Recent Developments

So here's a list of recent developments that have taken place in the past few days:

1) So far, total fundraising received/expected for my missions trip to Kentucky is $195. Thank you so very much for those who have given already. I can't thank you enough, honestly. Paypal seems to have made things a bit easier. :)

2) I just got back from my 10 year high school reunion. I'm sure I'll be writing another post on that particular event later. Suffice it to say, it was amazing! What I had hoped the reunion would be. Old face, old friends, and actually making new ones that before cliques would not have allowed. And holy dance floor! I don't think some of us ever left it, lol, but man was it fun! I learned I could shake a little something, lol...

3) After much agonizing and praying, I have come to a decision about job placement for next year. As it stands right now, I will be taking the job at Barnabas Christian Academy down here in Port St. Lucie when offered. It just seems to make sense. I've been praying for the Lord to make me wise in this decision (Psalm 32:8 being my prayer), and I believe He has answered. It will be extremely difficult, because it's so much more traditional an environment than I ever imagined myself in, but it can only be a learning experience. And I am a good teacher; I will be effective there.

4) I miss everyone! I can't tell you how I love catching up with people and hearing what's going on and stuff. I'm really gald I'm back blogging again, because it makes it easier to interact with everyone, even though we're spread out everywhere. Blessings on all of you!

Prayer of a Suffering Man - Psalm 22:1-21

My God, my God, why have you rejected me?
You seem far from saving me,
far from the words of my groaning.
My God, I call to you during the day,
but you do not answer.
I call at night;
I am not silent.

You sit as the Holy One.
The praises of Israel are your throne.
Our ancestors trusted you;
they trusted, and you saved them.
They called to you for help
and were rescued.
They trusted you
and were not disappointed.

But I am like a worm instead of a man.
People make fun of me and hate me.
Those who look at me laugh.
They stick out their tongues and shake their heads.
They say, "Turn to the LORD for help.
Maybe he will save you.
If he likes you,
maybe he will rescue you."

You had my mother give birth to me.
You made me trust you
while I was just a baby.
I have leaned on you since the day I was born;
you have been my God since my mother gave me birth.
So don't be far away from me.
Now trouble is near,
and there is no one to help.
People have surrounded me like angry bulls.
Like the strong bulls of Bashan, they are on every side.
Like hungry, roaring lions
they open their mouths at me.
My strength is gone,
like water poured out onto the ground,
and my bones are out of joint.
My heart is like wax
it has melted inside me.
My strength has dried up like a clay pot,
and my tongue sticks to the top of my mouth.
You laid me in the dust of death.
Evil people have surrounded me;
like dogs they have trapped me.
They have bitten my arms and legs.
I can count all my bones;
people look and stare at me.
They divided my clothes among them,
and they threw lots for my clothing.

But, LORD, don't be far away.
You are my strength; hurry to help me.
Save me from the sword;
save my life from the dogs.
Rescue my from the lion's mouth;
save me from the horns of the bulls.

Analyzed Verses by a Simple Brain, Pt. 1

So I decided to take the verses I found as part of the song in my previous post and look a little further into them. As usual, God has an amazing sense of humor. The first verse totally kicked me in the butt when put into context.

In the beginning of this Psalm, David is talking about how bad he felt when he was hiding his sin from God, and how relieved he was when he finally confessed it. Well, even though when the Lord said this, I think He was referring to just doing what He says and not be stubborn when it comes to confessing our sins, I kinda took a different perspective on it. Although, if I really think about it, what I'm about to say could be along the same lines, if doubt and frustration and confusion and depression are, in fact, sins.

"The LORD says, 'I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you. * So don't be like a horse or donkey, that doesn't understand. They must be led with bits and reins, or they wil not come near you.'" ~ Psalm 32:8-9

So my thoughts? What is God telling me personally through this? SUCK. IT. UP! If God speaks like that...which, with me and my hard head, He probably does. The way I take this verse, God has shown me where to go (Florida). He is guiding me and watching over me, even now. If this verse didn't prove it already, the numerous verses that state God promises to never leave us, and that He is always with us wherever we go, should do the trick. So why am I being a stubborn @$$ and trying to make things work the way I want them to (New Hampshire), when I don't have a stinkin' clue as to what God is thinking or wanting to do in me down here? Am I, with my doubt and depression, being just like a horse or a donkey, that has to be bridled and whipped and led around by restraints? God is telling me I don't have to be like this. All I need to do is trust in what I already know: that He will show me where to go, that He is guiding me and watching over me. And I can't ask for anything better than that.

I'm noticing a lot of people seem to be dealing with these issues right now. God is moving, I believe. I know, for myself, that I just need to get over myself and trust. Simply trust. Am I the only one?

My Song of the Time

I was talking to a good friend last night, and venting my frustrations about the situation I am currently in. I was telling him how I had this song going through my head, and he told me I should write it out and underline the lines that meant the most to me. Well, the whole song speaks to me, so I decided to take it one step further. This is what I came up with. I hope it's as encouraging to you as it is to me. *

WALK BY FAITH

~Jeremy Camp

*

Would I believe You when You say

Your hand will guide my every way

*

"The Lord says, "I will make you wise and show you where to go. I will guide you and watch over you." ~Pslam 32:8

*

Will I receive the words you say

Every moment of every day

*

"Lord, you are my share in life; I have promised to obey your words." ~Psalm 119:57

*

Chorus:

Well I will walk by faith

Even when I cannot see

*

"Faith means being sure of the things we hope for and knowing that something is real even if we do not see it." ~Hebrews 11:1

*

Well because this broken road

Prepares Your will for me

*

"'This is what will happen to you; this is your part in my plans,' says the Lord." ~Jeremiah 13:25

*

Help me to win my endless fears

You've been so faithful for all my years

*

"All the days planned for me were written in your book before I was one day old." ~Psalm 139:16

*

With one breath You make me new

Your grace covers all I do

*

"So we do not give up. Our physical body is becoming older and weaker, but our spirit inside us is made new every day." ~2 Corinthains 4:16

*

Chorus

*

Well I'm broken - but I still see Your face

*

"That person will pray to God, and God will listen to him. He will see God's face and will shout with happiness. And God will set things right for him again." ~Job 33:26

*

Well You've spoken - pouring Your words of grace

*

"'My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you.'"

~2 Corinthians 12:9

*

Chorus

*

*

"Then I will lead the blind along a way they never knew; I will guide them along paths they have not known. I will make the darkness become light for them, and the rough ground smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not leave my people." ~ Isaiah 42:16

My Letter of Update, Reposted

Friends,
Well, after much calling and frustration and promised phonecalls that were never returned from a party that is not me, I finally got an answer from the Christian school down here the other day. They filled the position with someone that is not me. So oh well on that one, I guess. I'm still in Florida, still without a job (even for the summer!), and I hate unemployment. You know, you hear about these people that just sit on their couches, living off the government for no other reason than that they just don't want to get up. I don't know how they do it! I'm going insane! And that's been the gist of my summer so far. There's been some high points, for sure. I've got to see my mom, John and I have had some good laughs, Ricky's practically living here, which is awesome, I've got to go to and be a part of my old church again. It all comes with a price, though. I'm not overly happy. I miss the north, I miss the people, I miss the mountains, I miss only having to worry about one or two stoplights. Although I must say, yellow lights down here last FOREVER! Seriously! The beginning of this may sound a bit depressing, but that's what I've been dealing with lately.
HOWEVER...there is a light at the end of the tunnel. A school in Salem, New Hampshire is very interested in me for a sixth grade position next year! It's something I'm seriously considering, and things down here seem to be working themselves out in a way that is releasing me to go, but there's a lot of factors involved that I have no idea how they will work out. Thankfully, I know a Person who already has the worked out for me, if this is what I'm meant to do. I won't know anything until the end of the month, because the principal at Salem Christian School is out of the office until then. So the prayers are really needed on this one. I need to know almost for sure that I'm supposed to be there before I make a big trip like that again.
Speaking of big trips, Kentucky is coming up soon! Yay! As most of you know, the team from Bridgton Alliance Church will be heading back down to Kentucky next month, Aug. 9-17th. We will be working in the hills of Jenkins. There will technically be two separate teams going down from the church, a work team and a performance team. This is shaping up to be another awesome time of ministry and growth. Incredible things happened down there last year, and we're expecting God is going to lead us in the same way again this year. Most importantly, prayer is essential in this. We wouldn't get anywhere without it. At the same time, money is also essential. Now, this is probably going to come off as a lame and shoddy way of trying to raise some support but, honestly, I can't afford stamps right now for letters, so this is the only way I have available right now. The most important thing I can ask of you in regards to the trip is for prayers for the teams and for the people down there, that God will begin working on all the hearts involved in the trip and prepare us and them for what He has in store. If you feel, though, that you would like to help me financially on this trip, I would be eternally grateful. I would love to be able to raise between $500-550 to cover for the cost of the week in Kentucky ($269), and the gas and such to get there and back. Any help, no matter what the number, would be extremely beneficial right now. Support can be sent to my name at 6013 Birch Drive, Fort Pierce, Florida 34982. Thank you so much to those that are able to give. But like I said before, more importantly that anything is the prayer, and everyone can give that.
So that's my life in a nutshell right now. I would love to hear how all your summers are going. As soon as I know something about a school, or Salem Christian, I'll be sure to pass it on. I love you all, and pray God's awesome blessings will work their way towards you. Take care, and hope to hear from you all soon! Blessings!
-Tammy <><

Looking Up? Need Some Advice...

So the school down here called. They filled the position with someone else. I wish it hadn't taken them so long to tell me, but what can I do? So now I'm caught in somewhat of a pickle. So here are my two options as they stand now. Tell me what you think.

Option 1: There is a school in New Hampshire that is really interested in hiring me for a sixth grade position.

Pros:
1. I'm back in New England, which is where I ultimately want to be. I'm half an hour from one good friend, two hours from Bridgton and my old school, the same distance from Presque Isle, Maine and Saint John, New Brunswick as I was when I lived in Bridgton, and two hours closer to my dad in Ohio and my family in Virginia.

2. The college there in New Hampshire offers a Post-Baccalureate Teacher Certification program, so I can take courses to get my state certification while still teaching and getting credit for that, fulfilling one of my main goals.

3. I'd be making about the same as what I had requested from my last school, but didn't get.

Cons:
1. I'm still in Florida. I would have to leave Florida in a month. I still don't have a job. I can't get a job just for a month and earn money to even remotely have enough to get back up there and get started again.

2. Cost of living. Just outside of Boston is pretty expensive. Not quite sure if what I would be making would be enough to support myself.

3. Leaving my family and friends down here again.


Options 2: Forget New Hampshire and just stay in Florida where I am.

Pros:
1. I have a place to live.

2. My friends and family are nearby.

3. I can get a job now and not have to worry about getting a lot of money right away.

Cons:
1. I wouldn't be nearly as happy as I would be up north.

2. More than likely, I wouldn't be teaching.

3. It would be harder to get my state teaching certificate.


So that's where I stand right now. It's strange how things worked out. I didn't get the job at the school, I didn't get into that play, my brother was going to move in with my friend and I, but he has another good option that suits him better. Also, a man from my church in Maine told me something I was reminded of today. He told me he felt that I was making the right move coming down here, but that I would be back there. Apparently he speaks a lot of truth in the area of prophecy and stuff, as it pertains to these situations. Are all these pointing me back up north? I'm not exactly sure how to proceed from here. Any advice?

Disappointing Day

Well, I think I would have to label today an all-around disappointing day. No calls for jobs for the summer, no call from the Christian academy that I was told I would get (after calling them today because they didn't call me yesterday), and I've spent the last three nights at auditions for a production down here that I eventually didn't get casted in, mainly, I feel, because I have to miss a week of rehearsals in August because of my missions trip to Kentucky, and the play opens in September. There was really high interest in me until then. I had to tell them upfront about the trip, because it wouldn't have been right to spring it on them after casting, if I would have made it. So a lot of work comes up unproductive. How many times have I felt that?

I don't function well if I'm not working. I don't think I could ever be a stay-at-home wife. Maybe if I had kids or something, I don't know. Just feeling wicked restless right now. Most people enjoy wearing a butt groove into a couch. I do not. I feel unproductive and lazy when I'm not working, and it has the tendency of getting depressing. Not a need-some-meds depression, but it certainly doesn't make me feel good. And that's what I've been fighting lately. Oy.

Tammy's Post Thought: In this world you will have trouble. But take heart, for I have overcome the world. ~ Jesus

Starting New

Well, I figured since I'm kinda starting a new life, I should probably start a new blog. I know not everyone has facebook yet (what's wrong with you people that don't?), so here's another avenue I have to try to be responsible to update. Good luck to me.

So, I am now back living in Florida. Big shock for some, I know. I miss Maine dreadfully, and my life up there (and the mountains!), but God's ways are bigger than mine. I am awaiting word from a school down here as to whether or not I've been hired for next year. I am in the running to be the Junior High Science Teacher. How cool is that? I am living in Fort Pierce; well, really, it's just over the Port St. Lucie line, so just barely in Fort Pierce. I'm living with my best friend from high school, John. He came up for my college graduation, so most of you have at least seen him. :) John is an incredible friend, and he's helping me out a lot. That's one of the many things I continually thank God for; He has never failed to bless me with absolutely incredible, amazing friends, no matter where I've lived.

So that's my starting post. As I start my new life in Florida, I start my new blog here. I love you all, my friends. God is good, and I just have to see what He has planned for me back down here. :)

Tammy's Post Thought: I used to say I'd never live in Florida again. Remember, NEVER SAY NEVER!!!